Watch VoirFilms. Sara Lidman writes about the longing for children and a man. As a red thread in her diaries and letters, there is doubt about being loved for who she is. She falls in love often. Especially in the love of her life - South Africa. He is black and she is allowed to pay a high prize for her love under the apartheid regime's rags, which closes around her until she finally has to leave South Africa.